“I forgive you.”
We Christians are supposed to be good at this forgiveness thing. Someone wrongs us, we forgive and move on, right? Then why do we sometimes find it so hard to say, let alone live into? Why do we hesitate, preferring to say “I accept your apology” rather than “I forgive you?” Why do we balk like Peter does when Jesus tells us that we need to forgive not once, not seven times, but seventy-seven times?
Because true forgiveness, the kind of forgiveness and reconciliation that Jesus is leading us to is hard work. Forgiveness is about relationship. It is more than retribution and consequences for bad behavior and poor choices, it is about healing a broken relationship, be it the relationship between community members, family members, friends, or with God.
I want to lean on Ted Lasso to make my point. For those of you who haven’t participated in the phenomenon that is the TV show Ted Lasso, let me give you a quick synopsis. Ted, a “relentlessly positive Midwestern American division college football coach”[1] who is hired to coach a British football club. Ted knows nothing about British football or England for that matter. But he goes. Rebecca is the owner of the football club, brand new to the role because she was awarded it as part of a bitter divorce settlement with her less than compassionate ex-husband Rupert. So, why hire an American football coach to lead a British Football club? To have destroy it. She knew how much her ex-husband loved his football club, and it would have been the ultimate hurt to have it fail and he not be able to do anything about it.
I don’t want to ruin the entire plot line of the first season, but suffice it to say there is much that happens that barely ruffles a whisker in Ted’s substantial mustache. In fact, he works hard to support Rebecca and to establish a close, open relationship with her… a friendship, you might say.
And that’s where this clip marches straight into our reflection on forgiveness. The pain in Rebecca is palpable from the very first sweary thing she says. She knows that Ted could very well walk away without a glance behind him. She says she’d understand if he quits. And she waits, just like we wait, holding our breath to see what Ted does.
I forgive you.
“What? Why?”
Because Ted is just as broken as she is and understands that we often lash out at those closest to us when our hearts are breaking. You hear it in his explanation to her.
“You and me? We’re good.”
Forgiveness is hard, its complex, and it is life changing. One of the reasons it is so hard is because it makes us vulnerable and the outcomes are unpredictable. We, especially when we are in community, want our relationships to be straightforward and clear… but really, let’s be honest, are they ever? But things get even more complicated when conflict is thrown into the mix.
Barbara Brown Taylor says, “It is a real nuisance to belong to a family. It would be so much easier if we were just a bunch of individuals, loosely bound by similar beliefs but whose affairs remained a private matter between us and God. But according to Jesus, there is no such thing as privacy in the family of God. Our life together is the chief means God has chosen for being with us… our life together is the place where we are comforted, confronted, tested and redeemed by God through one another. It is the pace where we come to know God.” This being in community thing isn’t a private affair. Relationship is at the heart of it, and God is right there with us in those relationships.
Now, I am not trying to say that our community of faith is riddled with conflict and people being nasty to each other, but we are human, and sometimes we bump up against each other. And when we do, it is helpful to remember that Jesus calls us to reconciliation – to an open listening and reflecting rather than whispers and revenge. This is about being ready when it does happen and committing to keeping Jesus’ advice in mind. Forgiving 77 times or 7 times 70 times may feel silly and pointless, but it’s our way of saying… “You and me, we’re good.”
And why would we do that? Because Jesus told us that where two or three are gathered, he is there. Where two or more people get things wrong, where two or more avoid conflict, where two or more actively work on finding the way forward together, where two or more focus on the whole are gathered, I am there. That’s the promise. In the hard work of forgiveness and reconciliation, the Holy is there. As we do the hard work of listening and loving, be it in this community or another, we aren’t alone. For God is right there, reminding us, time and again, that “You and God, you’re good.” Trust that. (For as Ted Lasso said, “I think that if you care about someone and you got a little love in your heart, there ain’t nothing you can’t get through together.”
Amen
[1] Carol Burns, “The Gospel According to Ted Lasso: Forgiving” sermon, 2023 (as found on www.fpc-bethlehem.org)
